Tears in My Heart

Well, pretty hard to say, this, but i think i hurted my lovely soulmate. I couldnt understand why there is something inside my self drive me through argued something. I tried to halted anything before all going worse. I couldnt handled my self. I was so mean.

I will trying to do the best as wish as i could. That i caught my self into so selfish. In other side, so difficult to tell him i am not sweet girl so he barried talking anything with me. But i dont want seems i like all those things cuz i want to be perfect in his eyes. God, its not my own way.

Sometimes, i think, maybe i am not his dream girl. But keep thinking about this make me hurt and feelin' to die. Just imagined him be with other girl shaking my feeling and choosing let it go. But, can i be so selfish if he will not happy with me? cannot share anything with me? how bad i am.

I could feel he was very dissapointed cuz i didnt understand about his worried. I argued with my stubborn and not let him feel in peace. I know that already, i am just give bad influenced to him. As i said before to him, i just brought bad things for people, But he didnt understand what i said.

I know, i am just burden to him. A while he thinking about us, i am just thinking about my self. I was crying to remembered that, and sometimes thought crossed on my mind, why he met me, someone, with bad influenced?

I have nothing to say more. I am so guilty to make him feel sad but i am too obstinated to let him know i had bad feeling because i hurted him. Oh, God, i wish i never met him. I loved him so much and always forever but maybe he deserved good girl and someone who really understood him in good way. Not like me.

PS: People says, Nothing Last Forever But My Heart and My Love Always Forever for Him.

If I am His Woman

I have seen many things in this life. But i never seen miserable so bad in his eyes. I felt he need to touched me and said something hidden in his heart. But trust is most things he hates now. For 1st, i wondering why he thinks no real relationship and until now i am still trying why he afraid of it. I think every body wont to be hurts.

I am new one in real relationship. I never felt great relationship in many years. When he offered me that, i am not trusted him for first. Why he choose me and what on earth God choose me to met him in random? Now, he had question to me about that.

I know he never believe in marriage things and me neither. Maybe oneday we could make something about that. All i know, i love him and as i know, he love me too. I picture these things in my mind, when he hold me so tight and spent time together in real time. I wont asked more for him. If he loved me just like friend, i will be glad. If he loved me like sister, i am happy have brother like him, and if he loved me like men to women, i am happiest women in the world. I wont pursued him for do anything where he felt untrusthy. I want him feeling my love and share with him. Sometimes, i afraid to lose him. But life is about losing too and we both know, no immortality for our existency.

Maybe i am so silly in this way. But, i know, it is very rare happened on me and i will be enjoyed my life with him no matter what it takes. If God have other plans for him and me, i will be glad because he could feel real love after being abused in many years. I want to show to him, not every women will hurt him and i will stand beside him when storm come and trying to destroy all we have now. For Allah, thank you for precious moment You gave to me. Amin

For KD: I love you always......