Crumbly Heart

We thought that we can strain away the pain
We thought we can ruin all matters with only sweeping away
We live in a wacky world
And we are failed to standing up for victory

Tears is not enough to clean stain misery from the hole of heart
We are in hurry to prone to consider the better circumtances
We are irritated with an alter ego that lead us to live in hell

Let's crumbly heart hanging on for awhile
Seize the day in touchful mood
We heard slightly string of the guitar's sound

We barely in the shadow of the dark
And We missed our lovers in a secrecy moment
To love and be loved is the greatest happiness

Left the foot steps behind and no desire to looking back
We are in separated moments to achieved those feelings
We were born in intimacy love and make it fear us to let love goes away
There is always a new sun in our life starting our first breath with smile

If You're Not the One

Wonderful song. We can feel someone that we love so much with this. This song from daniel bedingfield became so popular in Indonesia, 2002 and was one of my fave song at that time, ^_^. Lets join nostalgic feel and rockin' life with sweet memories.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife (husband for me, actually, heheheheh)

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this **much** is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Farewell To My Weirdo Thoughts

Hey, ya My Weirdo Thoughts
Time to say Good bye to You
Oh...I am Singing With bliss : Wow..Farewell to My Weirdo Thoughts..!!!
We Never Meet Again, I am Sure

You were Occupied my Mind in Many Years
You rule me Out from The Normal Life
Here Comes The New Sun of My Life
New Breath and New Mindset

I will Join The Fanfare of Signicifant Way
Stillnes Thought of Agitation
You Are an Evil of My EmotioN
All's Well That Ends Well
You Are Poison in My Drained LifE
AGAIN:
Farewell to My Weirdo Thoughts
We NeVeR MeeT agaIN, even In HelL or HeaVen
If You Believe These are Exist
No Commands AnyMore From Ya...!!!!
A Bunch Abundance of Sacrifice Will Lead You Out of Mind

Be True to Your Woman

There is a friend of mine i met today. He is my old pal from long time. He still crazy like used to be and playful more than i'd ever thought. He stopped by and whisper on me about the true of the relationship. He failed to maintain his relationship. So, with the joke words, he said to my pal, sitting next to me, "Be True to Your Woman,".

I was looking through at him and asked him with my eyes, why he said that weird words. Did he do cheat on his Woman? Or is there something on men that we, women, never know about that. He laughed and with his beautifull eyebrow he winked at me.

"Dear friend, should i tell you that I never cheat on my woman. Never. But, I should say to you because you are woman and you are my friend, that, sometimes, we, men, pretending to be what women wanted. We want, our women, not see our weakness too deep and then make them abandoned us.

"Dear friend, building and find someone is so easy but to keep it on the right track is other problem. We could see many couples seems happy but they are not. They pretending to look happy so the others will think no problem then will come between them.

"You never see my pain because you shouldnt see, dear friend. My head so full with regret but couldnt say to my Woman. She didnt worthy to get the pain from the mistake that i did. I want say the truth but my mouth couldnt opened and i found my self was walking by my self on hollow world. No dying or living.

"Because you are my sister and also my friend, i have something to say: Tell your man to be true to you because when he is doing againts the true, trust me, soon or later, he will be regret to treating you like that. I am here to say that relationship is not easy to hold on. You can choose now, you could listened me or consider i never talk to you about this matter."

The Integrity will a part of human if they are being true to others, as a lovers, a friend, a sister, or even someone choose to be different form of creature. They must to be true or be genuine. That is what human should be.

The end of our conversation, he winked again and shaking my hands. "I know you will understand that soon, dear friend."

Blossom in The Spring

Revealed the spring season from the start
May blossom flower can whisper through
From it we learned about devotee
And what we called the truly Love

No one can exchange their pain how hard they try for
Even we burden the sun and we sunk the moon
Only we can see that a reflection from the mirror of destiny
Maybe we can accept or we ignore it

Blossom flower show me the Truly Love
Since human being distract from it
We just see most our life that love is for low passion, materialism, or to someone else
Then we left our mind behind to pursue nothing

That flower whatever we called it with rose, jasmine, or orchid
Belong to Divinity
Jiggling for a while
And gone for ever
at that time we learned about the eternity and belonging to

*Bismillah Tawakkaltu 'Ala Allah
(Dengan menyebut nama Allah, Aku berserah diri kepada-Nya)

Solitude Par

When the spring comes, the ice would be melting and there is new way to moving forward. I will take a place in front of row to seeking the pearl of life. I had through tough times and i feel better then because a warrior never to be a warrior if they cant define their life.

Let me call this place a thousand sunshine. I am sitting here and look up for more ancient story of life. I do never worry what would be life take me away as long as i had learned to grasping it. And you are people, poke fun at me as many as you can wish for because you never know when Karma comes to you.

I got a heritage spirit from my ancestor that we should chin up and hold on tears so that never been being a river and destroy the faith. Believe it, and you'll see it. Know it and you'll be it. The nightmare only comes to person who never TRUST their selves or regret what they have been done.

I have been here for a while and feel a joy and a adversity in same time. You dont have any idea who i am because i am the warrior from the past and come to future to define the world. I bended my knee to my Almighy Lord and wishing The Light will shimmering my face until the dead comes.

Save The Best For Last

One of my fave songs....


Sometimes the snow comes down in june
Sometimes the sun goes round the moon
I see the passion in your eyes
Sometimes its all a big surprise
cause there was a time when all I did was wish
Youd tell me this was love
Its not the way I hoped or how I planned
But somehow its enough

And now were standing face to face
Isnt this world a crazy place
Just when I thought our chance had passed
You go and save the best for last

All of the nights you came to me
When some silly girl had set you free
You wondered how youd make it through
I wondered what was wrong with you

cause how could you give your love to someone else
And share your dreams with me
Sometimes the very thing youre looking for
Is the one thing you cant see

And now were standing face to face
Isnt this world a crazy place
Just when I thought our chance had passed
You go and save the best for last

Sometimes the very thing youre looking for
Is the one thing you cant see

Sometimes the snow comes down in june
Sometimes the sun goes round the moon
Just when I thought our chance had passed
You go and save the best for last

You went and saved the best for last

Teardrop

This song describe my feeling by now. Performance by The Radio, and became hit in 1997-1998.

Something in the words you never said
makes me feel I aint seen nothing yet
catch me now I am falling,
Hear the angels calling,
Calling somewhere deep inside my head

Close encounters of a different kind
Open up the part that's hidden inside
Many hearts get broken
While words are left unspoken
leaving nothing but a worried mind

We could flow like teardrops on the ocean
We could flow like water to the sea
It may sound unclever
We'd last forever
If you want to stay with me
If you want to stay with me


Never now for sure what's comming up
Sad the echo-beat will never stop
You are the one and only
But if you leave me lonley
You might as well let all the curtains drops

We could flow like teardrops on the ocean
We could flow like water to the sea
It may sound unclever
We'd last forever
If you want to stay with me
If you want to stay with me

Instrumental solo

We could flow like teardrops on the ocean
We could flow like water to the sea
It may sound unclever
We'd last forever
If you want to stay with me

If you'd just lay love on me

Sejuta Cita di Duka

Bukanlah sebuah kesedihan yang datang menyayat sukma. Tetapi rasa kebahagiaan yang datang sepenggal kemudian pergi tak berjejak. Adakah satu kata yang bisa terucapkan lagi jika laknat cinta telah menjadi angkara dari sebuah ketidakmengertian?

Aku telah melihat bahaya kesedihan itu datang sejak horizon bumi masih memerah saga oleh mentari. Tapi, saat itu, aku hanya berharap bahwa kesedihan itu hanya berupa fantasi pagi hari dan akan segera lenyap seperti embun tersaput sinar matahari.

Namun, sedih itu sepertinya bilah pisau yang tertancap di setiap irisan jantung dan mengoyak serpihan hati yang telah lama retak. Sudahlah, karena ikatan apapun tak akan mampu merekatkan luka yang sudah lama tertikam oleh sembilu

Jealousy

OSHO TEACHING:

Jealousy is comparison. And we have been taught to compare, we have been conditioned to compare, always compare. Somebody else has a better house, somebody else has a more beautiful body, somebody else has more money, somebody else has a more charismatic personality. Compare, go on comparing yourself with everybody else you pass by, and great jealousy will be the outcome; it is the by-product of the conditioning for comparison.

Otherwise, if you drop comparing, jealousy disappears. Then you simply know you are you, and you are nobody else, and there is no need. It is good that you don't compare yourself with trees, otherwise you will start feeling very jealous: why are you not green? And why has God been so hard on you -- and no flowers? It is better that you don't compare with birds, with rivers, with mountains; otherwise you will suffer. You only compare with human beings, because you have been conditioned to compare only with human beings; you don't compare with peacocks and with parrots. Otherwise, your jealousy would be more and more: you would be so burdened by jealousy that you would not be able to live at all.

Comparison is a very foolish attitude, because each person is unique and incomparable. Once this understanding settles in you, jealousy disappears. Each is unique and incomparable. You are just yourself: nobody has ever been like you, and nobody will ever be like you. And you need not be like anybody else, either.

God creates only originals; he does not believe in carbon copies.

A bunch of chickens were in the yard when a football flew over the fence and landed in their midst. A rooster waddled over, studied it, then said, "I'm not complaining, girls, but look at the work they are turning out next door."

Next door great things are happening: the grass is greener, the roses are rosier. Everybody seems to be so happy -- except yourself. You are continuously comparing. And the same is the case with the others, they are comparing too. Maybe they think the grass in your lawn is greener -- it always looks greener from the distance -- that you have a more beautiful wife.... You are tired, you cannot believe why you allowed yourself to be trapped by this woman, you don't know how to get rid of her -- and the neighbor may be jealous of you, that you have such a beautiful wife! And you may be jealous of him....

Everybody is jealous of everybody else. And out of jealousy we create such hell, and out of jealousy we become very mean.

An elderly farmer was moodily regarding the ravages of the flood. "Hiram!" yelled a neighbor, "your pigs were all washed down the creek." "How about Thompson's pigs?" asked the farmer. "They're gone too." "And Larsen's?" "Yes." "Humph!" ejaculated the farmer, cheering up. "It ain't as bad as I thought."

If everybody is in misery, it feels good; if everybody is losing, it feels good. If everybody is happy and succeeding, it tastes very bitter.

But why does the idea of the other enter in your head in the first place? Again let me remind you: because you have not allowed your own juices to flow; you have not allowed your own blissfulness to grow, you have not allowed your own being to bloom. Hence you feel empty inside, and you look at each and everybody's outside because only the outside can be seen.

You know your inside, and you know the others' outside: that creates jealousy. They know your outside, and they know their inside: that creates jealousy. Nobody else knows your inside. There you know you are nothing, worthless. And the others on the outside look so smiling. Their smiles may be phony, but how can you know that they are phony? Maybe their hearts are also smiling. You know your smile is phony, because your heart is not smiling at all, it may be crying and weeping.

You know your interiority, and only you know it, nobody else. And you know everybody's exterior, and their exterior people have made beautiful. Exteriors are showpieces and they are very deceptive.

There is an ancient Sufi story:

A man was very much burdened by his suffering. He used to pray every day to God, "Why me? Everybody seems to be so happy, why am only I in such suffering?" One day, out of great desperation, he prayed to God, "You can give me anybody else's suffering and I am ready to accept it. But take mine, I cannot bear it any more."

That night he had a beautiful dream -- beautiful and very revealing. He had a dream that night that God appeared in the sky and he said to everybody, "Bring all your sufferings into the temple." Everybody was tired of his suffering -- in fact everybody has prayed some time or other, "I am ready to accept anybody else's suffering, but take mine away; this is too much, it is unbearable."

So everybody gathered his own sufferings into bags, and they reached the temple, and they were looking very happy; the day has come, their prayer has been heard. And this man also rushed to the temple.

And then God said, "Put your bags by the walls." All the bags were put by the walls, and then God declared: "Now you can choose. Anybody can take any bag."

And the most surprising thing was this: that this man who had been praying always, rushed towards his bag before anybody else could choose it! But he was in for a surprise, because everybody rushed to his own bag, and everybody was happy to choose it again. What was the matter? For the first time, everybody had seen others' miseries, others' sufferings -- their bags were as big, or even bigger!

And the second problem was, one had become accustomed to one's own sufferings. Now to choose somebody else's -- who knows what kind of sufferings will be inside the bag? Why bother? At least you are familiar with your own sufferings, and you have become accustomed to them, and they are tolerable. For so many years you have tolerated them -- why choose the unknown?

And everybody went home happy. Nothing had changed, they were bringing the same suffering back, but everybody was happy and smiling and joyous that he could get his own bag back.

In the morning he prayed to God and he said, "Thank you for the dream; I will never ask again. Whatsoever you have given me is good for me, must be good for me; that's why you have given it to me."

Because of jealousy you are in constant suffering; you become mean to others. And because of jealousy you start becoming phony, because you start pretending. You start pretending things that you don't have, you start pretending things which you can't have, which are not natural to you. You become more and more artificial. Imitating others, competing with others, what else can you do? If somebody has something and you don't have it, and you don't have a natural possibility of having it, the only way is to have some cheap substitute for it.

I hear that Jim and Nancy Smith had a great time in Europe this summer. It's so great when a couple finally gets a chance to really live it up. They went everywhere and did everything. Paris, Rome... you name it, they saw it and they did it. But it was so embarrassing coming back home and going through customs. You know how custom officers pry into all your personal belongings. They opened up a bag and took out three wigs, silk underwear, perfume, hair coloring...really embarrassing. And that was just Jim's bag!

Just look inside your bag and you will find so many artificial, phony, pseudo things -- for what? Why can't you be natural and spontaneous? -- because of jealousy.

The jealous man lives in hell. Drop comparing and jealousy disappears, meanness disappears, phoniness disappears. But you can drop it only if you start growing your inner treasures; there is no other way.

Grow up, become a more and more authentic individual. Love yourself and respect yourself the way God has made you, and then immediately the doors of heaven open for you. They were always open, you had simply not looked at them.

The Book of Wisdom, Chapter 27

Serenade Kesedihan

Ada cukup banyak jalan berbatu yang harus dilewati untuk tiba di ujung bukit sana. Meski pagi masih terlihat dan matahari pun bersinar cukup terang, aku pun meragu, akankah aku akan tiba di ujung bukit itu?

Di bawah lautan tatapan mata kosong para pengusung keranda aku berusaha memahami setiap detik dari perubahan itu. Air laut membiru, camar melintas menuju ke tepian dan suara-suara pegunungan memanggilku dari jauh dan memberikan isyarat.

Sayangnya, aku tetap di sini serta menatap kosong ke arah harapan yang aku dambakan itu. Mestinya aku tidak membuka hati untuk harapan itu karena aku telah tahu ada banyak kesakitan yang akan datang padaku kelak. Tetapi, aku membiarkan harapan itu datang, memelukku, dan membisikkan kata-kata buluh perindu.

Sepiku hanyalah sebuah serenade yang tak kunjung berakhir. Cinta adalah sebuah kesakitan tanpa akhir yang selalu datang berkunjung tak kenal waktu. Wahai dikau harapan, tidak kau pahami mengapa cinta akhirnya selalu meninggalkanmu? Engkau tidak hanya menyakiti cinta itu saja namun kau menaburinya dengan dendam serta kebencian yang tak terperikan.

Aku tidak memulai dan tidak mengakhir hariku dengan segenggam senja. Mataku tetap melihat ke arah keranda jenazah yang dibawa para pengusungnya di taman keabadian dan berharap aku tidak lagi menggantungkan harapku terhadap sesuatu yang indah sekaligus sangat menyakitkan ini. (*)

Beautiful Stranger

Came at late of the night, someone called him self with beautiful stranger. He was ride strong horse as fast as wind, blowing from south where is life started from the breath. He was hero from folk's story and be born to destroy evil.

Came at late of the nigh aware stand of beloved ones. He really perfect stranger to those people. Where he goes that took out my happiness? He whispered to wind that sent me chill melody . He absolutely the shadow, the thunder, the magic, and whatever people called for braveness. Everyone whom he spoke were amazed. Who really is he? He came over and over, close to me, and create my little world by Amadeuz painting.

I had drown into his hazel eyes so could make me fall asleep for a while when sadness was trying to reach me away. Who is he? He created from Light, wearing silk from Heaven, and his heart made from Love. Thousand times he came to me late at night, kissing me so gently, hold me with warm, untill morning flew away him from me. Who is he? Can i meet him in real and look so close to his wonderful bright eyes?

The Highwayman by Alfred Noyes (1880-1958)

PART ONE

I

THE wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees,
The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
The road was a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
And the highwayman came riding—
Riding—riding—
The highwayman came riding, up to the old inn-door.

II

He'd a French cocked-hat on his forehead, a bunch of lace at his chin,
A coat of the claret velvet, and breeches of brown doe-skin;
They fitted with never a wrinkle: his boots were up to the thigh!
And he rode with a jewelled twinkle,
His pistol butts a-twinkle,
His rapier hilt a-twinkle, under the jewelled sky.

III

Over the cobbles he clattered and clashed in the dark inn-yard,
And he tapped with his whip on the shuters, but all was locked and barred;
He whistled a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

IV

And dark in the dark old inn-yard a stable-wicket creaked
Where Tim the ostler listened; his face was white and peaked;
His eyes were hollows of madness, his hair like mouldy hay,
But he loved the landlord's daughter,
The landlord's red-lipped daughter,
Dumb as a dog he listened, and he heard the robber say—

V

"One kiss, my bonny sweetheart, I'm after a prize to-night,
But I shall be back with the yellow gold before the morning light;
Yet, if they press me sharply, and harry me through the day,
Then look for me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way."

VI

He rose upright in the stirrups; he scarce could reach her hand,
But she loosened her hair i' the casement! His face burnt like a brand
As the black cascade of perfume came tumbling over his breast;
And he kissed its waves in the moonlight,
(Oh, sweet, black waves in the moonlight!)
Then he tugged at his rein in the moonliglt, and galloped away to the West.



PART TWO

I

He did not come in the dawning; he did not come at noon;
And out o' the tawny sunset, before the rise o' the moon,
When the road was a gypsy's ribbon, looping the purple moor,
A red-coat troop came marching—
Marching—marching—
King George's men came matching, up to the old inn-door.

II

They said no word to the landlord, they drank his ale instead,
But they gagged his daughter and bound her to the foot of her narrow bed;
Two of them knelt at her casement, with muskets at their side!
There was death at every window;
And hell at one dark window;
For Bess could see, through her casement, the road that he would ride.

III

They had tied her up to attention, with many a sniggering jest;
They had bound a musket beside her, with the barrel beneath her breast!
"Now, keep good watch!" and they kissed her.
She heard the dead man say—
Look for me by moonlight;
Watch for me by moonlight;
I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way!

IV

She twisted her hands behind her; but all the knots held good!
She writhed her hands till her fingers were wet with sweat or blood!
They stretched and strained in the darkness, and the hours crawled by like years,
Till, now, on the stroke of midnight,
Cold, on the stroke of midnight,
The tip of one finger touched it! The trigger at least was hers!

V

The tip of one finger touched it; she strove no more for the rest!
Up, she stood up to attention, with the barrel beneath her breast,
She would not risk their hearing; she would not strive again;
For the road lay bare in the moonlight;
Blank and bare in the moonlight;
And the blood of her veins in the moonlight throbbed to her love's refrain .

VI

Tlot-tlot; tlot-tlot! Had they heard it? The horse-hoofs ringing clear;
Tlot-tlot, tlot-tlot, in the distance? Were they deaf that they did not hear?
Down the ribbon of moonlight, over the brow of the hill,
The highwayman came riding,
Riding, riding!
The red-coats looked to their priming! She stood up, straight and still!

VII

Tlot-tlot, in the frosty silence! Tlot-tlot, in the echoing night!
Nearer he came and nearer! Her face was like a light!
Her eyes grew wide for a moment; she drew one last deep breath,
Then her finger moved in the moonlight,
Her musket shattered the moonlight,
Shattered her breast in the moonlight and warned him—with her death.

VIII

He turned; he spurred to the West; he did not know who stood
Bowed, with her head o'er the musket, drenched with her own red blood!
Not till the dawn he heard it, his face grew grey to hear
How Bess, the landlord's daughter,
The landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Had watched for her love in the moonlight, and died in the darkness there.

IX

Back, he spurred like a madman, shrieking a curse to the sky,
With the white road smoking behind him and his rapier brandished high!
Blood-red were his spurs i' the golden noon; wine-red was his velvet coat,
When they shot him down on the highway,
Down like a dog on the highway,
And he lay in his blood on the highway, with the bunch of lace at his throat.

* * * * * *

X

And still of a winter's night, they say, when the wind is in the trees,
When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
When the road is a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
A highwayman comes riding—
Riding—riding—
A highwayman comes riding, up to the old inn-door.

XI

Over the cobbles he clatters and clangs in the dark inn-yard;
He taps with his whip on the shutters, but all is locked and barred;
He whistles a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

Distance of Sorrow

My Lord, i drowning now in nowhere, there many sadness through over me. Where is rope will put out me from misery. I was silent in my sorrow there was words unspoken. I sat and put my head lie down and lift up my hands and begged on you, My Lord.

If it is way to be close with You, My Lord, i will follow that sorrow and i will not ask cure of it. I only lonely girl with subtle wish for my own willing. Sometimes, i need favour from You, My Lord, removed my painfull and bring me into peace on earth, where neither pain nor hurt content on me.

But, Beloved of Mine, i will not mind if sorrow is your desire. I through walk with this pain to reach You, My Lord. I was attempt to avoid these things and now I saw it was test for me how deep my Love for You. My Lord, I digg in so far in my life and i this time, only one i need is You.

In my emptiness, I need You, My Lord, The One in my existance and the only one to Alive inside me.

Book of Mine

Raining still going down today. I felt cold and wishing someone i love come to me and share warmness. But i try to look down into my self and realised there so many things not happen in sudden time. I used to be alone with my self, my mind, and wishing someday it will not happen again. Then, if my destiny would be like used to be, i will make my prostation to Allah and i am belong to Him.

Grass wet, wind flow, then sky become dark. From window made from wood and glasses, i can see raining down so heavy. People with their activities passsing through and seems didnt care each other.

Eyeeing people with their own bussiness when i felt alone and fond in same time it was so amazed me. I saw happiness, sadness, and also angry in their faces and wondering what happened in their hearts. Or are they still have hearts for their own lives? No know knows but God.

I sat down and found my self thinking about angel came to me With bright eyes, she reached my shoulder and brought me into sky and saw wonderfull pictures of nature. She has familiar face to me, and wonder where i saw that face. Long hair and blue eyes, she remains me to someone from my old-old-old times. When i was dying and she helped me from the dark hole.

We have book in each from our stories. Whatever it happens, it would be wrote on it. Wherever we go, our books still open and already. And my book tell me many things from my own heart about those things and i've been blessed with wonderfull people who inspired me journey on earth so far.

Letter From Him

Did you ever being wise for several reasons? sometimes we did it cuz we think its way to understand people and make them take us in easy. Even we never so sure, are we really accepted all those things for kindness or "just take" without meaning.

I grew up faster than my friends in my ages, in past time. I used to see several uncommon in my ages. I saw sadness, i should grew up to accept all those things for make sure, i was okay and not angry.

Since i met someone, i do really love him, i became more mature than before. Sometimes, i think he is my soulmate when i could make him smile and love me with his heart. But, when i hurted him, i was thinking maybe i am just dark hole for his life and not really need to be with him. Even so, i was hurted my self if i was think about that, cuz i dont want him leave me behind. Am i so greedy and selfish for my self? No one could hear me, when i was crying and mention his name in my lips and wish he came and make me calm and warm.

I need him like i need air for breath. I need him like i need warm to save me from cold. I need him cuz i do really wish him beside me and to be someone to lying down my head to his shoulder. His letter made me more realised about him.

The Reaper

Who will know what happened the next? We will never expected when raining comes, people throwing out bad jokes, or maybe the reaper come to us. In my people, dream has meaning and also in Qur'an (cuz i am Muslim so i trust on it), say many times about Josep dreams.

Yesterday, i was dream some kind weird thing. It was about someone from my past came to me and said something. I didnt know exactly what he did say to me, but maybe something about being hurted on that time.

I tried to get away from him but suddenly, rain fell down and i was standing alone on empty street. no one over there. As far as i see, only loang road with trees in row move cause wind. I am not afraid to death cuz it will come to us no matter what wetry will deal with. I just wondering, how come strange dream took that way and reach my unconcious to tell me something.

I'd been dying before, so i knew how to feeling it. But The Reaper, will have any form to come to infront of us. I wish, the reaper not man from my past

Harmony of Life

Days morning comes and touch my face with gently. Brightening lights coming over from my window. I felt calm, rejuvenated, and full of spirits. These days pretty enough to teach me alots about life.

There is warm from lights, cold from the air. No ambiguity for those. We cant feeling cold from fire, feeling love from hate, and feeling happiness from being hurt in same time. Otherwise, no one make those thing in parallel. This is we called life of harmony.

But, there must be reason why should we know that. Feeling cold to know there is thing to fight fire. Feeling love to know there is hate if we did mistake, and feeling happiness to know there is no one would like to be hurt.

I was back from my old days when my mind full of freedom thingking and my young age still had joyness only and full of sweet dreams. But the most thing I know, even I could turn back to these days and enjoyed best time, we couldn’t changed anything. All dreams at that days only few things we learnt how to reach own goals by now.

Best thing I like to remember is dream always be dreams. Its pursued us to do better. For bitter and sweet memorized, dreams take us to the places where we never can imagined before.

Other Half of Me

Jika seseorang mencintaimu dengan segenap jiwa raganya, memberikan semangat dan pengaruh yang dalam terhadap kepribadian kamu, maka tak ada pemandangan indah lain di dunia ini selain dirinya. Senyumnya akan menjadi matahari bagi kegelapan, tawanya menidurkan kelelahan jiwa, serta suaranya memberi roh dalam setiap helaan nafas.

Mencintai adalah memberikan sebuah kehidupan dalam kehidupan lain. Lihatlah kegersangan pohon yang tersirami oleh kesejukan air di musim kering. Pernahkah, sekelumit cinta sejati menidurkan malam-malam? Tidak. Cinta membangunkan setiap dengusan nafas dari sang pencinta.

Aku sangat mencintai seseorang saat ini. Seseorang yang tak pernah bisa kumengerti bagaimana ia datang dan membawa kehidupan baru dalam setiap senyum yang terkembang dari bibirku. Senyum yang dulunya hanya terlihat dari pasangan pencinta sejati dan terbaca dari karya sastra sang pujangga yang dimabuk cinta.

Malamku sunyi tanpa mendengar suaranya. Setiap untain kata yang keluar dari bibirnya seperti obat yang menghilangkan setiap sakit yang kuderita. Ia bukan dewa, raja, sang penguasa, ataupun sang pemilik kekayaan alam mayapada ini. Dia hanya seorang yang sederhana dan mencintai aku dengan caranya sendiri. Seseorang yang mengetahui setiap detak jantungku dan membaca seluruh isi pikiranku.

Dengannya, dunia kesedihan hanya khayalan. Kesedihan datang ketika aku tak bisa menyentuhnya, membelai wajahnya, dan merengkuhnya dalam kehangatan. Dia adalah jiwa kesederhanaanku yang mengajarkan banyak hidup dan kerasnya tantangan di masa akan datang. Dia datang tidak sebagai guru, tuan, pemilik atas diriku. Dia adalah the other half of me. My soulmate.Dia mutiara yang ada dalam hatiku yang selalu akan ada di sana dan memberikan kemewahan cinta kepadaku.

Tears in My Heart

Well, pretty hard to say, this, but i think i hurted my lovely soulmate. I couldnt understand why there is something inside my self drive me through argued something. I tried to halted anything before all going worse. I couldnt handled my self. I was so mean.

I will trying to do the best as wish as i could. That i caught my self into so selfish. In other side, so difficult to tell him i am not sweet girl so he barried talking anything with me. But i dont want seems i like all those things cuz i want to be perfect in his eyes. God, its not my own way.

Sometimes, i think, maybe i am not his dream girl. But keep thinking about this make me hurt and feelin' to die. Just imagined him be with other girl shaking my feeling and choosing let it go. But, can i be so selfish if he will not happy with me? cannot share anything with me? how bad i am.

I could feel he was very dissapointed cuz i didnt understand about his worried. I argued with my stubborn and not let him feel in peace. I know that already, i am just give bad influenced to him. As i said before to him, i just brought bad things for people, But he didnt understand what i said.

I know, i am just burden to him. A while he thinking about us, i am just thinking about my self. I was crying to remembered that, and sometimes thought crossed on my mind, why he met me, someone, with bad influenced?

I have nothing to say more. I am so guilty to make him feel sad but i am too obstinated to let him know i had bad feeling because i hurted him. Oh, God, i wish i never met him. I loved him so much and always forever but maybe he deserved good girl and someone who really understood him in good way. Not like me.

PS: People says, Nothing Last Forever But My Heart and My Love Always Forever for Him.