Letter From Him

Did you ever being wise for several reasons? sometimes we did it cuz we think its way to understand people and make them take us in easy. Even we never so sure, are we really accepted all those things for kindness or "just take" without meaning.

I grew up faster than my friends in my ages, in past time. I used to see several uncommon in my ages. I saw sadness, i should grew up to accept all those things for make sure, i was okay and not angry.

Since i met someone, i do really love him, i became more mature than before. Sometimes, i think he is my soulmate when i could make him smile and love me with his heart. But, when i hurted him, i was thinking maybe i am just dark hole for his life and not really need to be with him. Even so, i was hurted my self if i was think about that, cuz i dont want him leave me behind. Am i so greedy and selfish for my self? No one could hear me, when i was crying and mention his name in my lips and wish he came and make me calm and warm.

I need him like i need air for breath. I need him like i need warm to save me from cold. I need him cuz i do really wish him beside me and to be someone to lying down my head to his shoulder. His letter made me more realised about him.

The Reaper

Who will know what happened the next? We will never expected when raining comes, people throwing out bad jokes, or maybe the reaper come to us. In my people, dream has meaning and also in Qur'an (cuz i am Muslim so i trust on it), say many times about Josep dreams.

Yesterday, i was dream some kind weird thing. It was about someone from my past came to me and said something. I didnt know exactly what he did say to me, but maybe something about being hurted on that time.

I tried to get away from him but suddenly, rain fell down and i was standing alone on empty street. no one over there. As far as i see, only loang road with trees in row move cause wind. I am not afraid to death cuz it will come to us no matter what wetry will deal with. I just wondering, how come strange dream took that way and reach my unconcious to tell me something.

I'd been dying before, so i knew how to feeling it. But The Reaper, will have any form to come to infront of us. I wish, the reaper not man from my past

Harmony of Life

Days morning comes and touch my face with gently. Brightening lights coming over from my window. I felt calm, rejuvenated, and full of spirits. These days pretty enough to teach me alots about life.

There is warm from lights, cold from the air. No ambiguity for those. We cant feeling cold from fire, feeling love from hate, and feeling happiness from being hurt in same time. Otherwise, no one make those thing in parallel. This is we called life of harmony.

But, there must be reason why should we know that. Feeling cold to know there is thing to fight fire. Feeling love to know there is hate if we did mistake, and feeling happiness to know there is no one would like to be hurt.

I was back from my old days when my mind full of freedom thingking and my young age still had joyness only and full of sweet dreams. But the most thing I know, even I could turn back to these days and enjoyed best time, we couldn’t changed anything. All dreams at that days only few things we learnt how to reach own goals by now.

Best thing I like to remember is dream always be dreams. Its pursued us to do better. For bitter and sweet memorized, dreams take us to the places where we never can imagined before.

Other Half of Me

Jika seseorang mencintaimu dengan segenap jiwa raganya, memberikan semangat dan pengaruh yang dalam terhadap kepribadian kamu, maka tak ada pemandangan indah lain di dunia ini selain dirinya. Senyumnya akan menjadi matahari bagi kegelapan, tawanya menidurkan kelelahan jiwa, serta suaranya memberi roh dalam setiap helaan nafas.

Mencintai adalah memberikan sebuah kehidupan dalam kehidupan lain. Lihatlah kegersangan pohon yang tersirami oleh kesejukan air di musim kering. Pernahkah, sekelumit cinta sejati menidurkan malam-malam? Tidak. Cinta membangunkan setiap dengusan nafas dari sang pencinta.

Aku sangat mencintai seseorang saat ini. Seseorang yang tak pernah bisa kumengerti bagaimana ia datang dan membawa kehidupan baru dalam setiap senyum yang terkembang dari bibirku. Senyum yang dulunya hanya terlihat dari pasangan pencinta sejati dan terbaca dari karya sastra sang pujangga yang dimabuk cinta.

Malamku sunyi tanpa mendengar suaranya. Setiap untain kata yang keluar dari bibirnya seperti obat yang menghilangkan setiap sakit yang kuderita. Ia bukan dewa, raja, sang penguasa, ataupun sang pemilik kekayaan alam mayapada ini. Dia hanya seorang yang sederhana dan mencintai aku dengan caranya sendiri. Seseorang yang mengetahui setiap detak jantungku dan membaca seluruh isi pikiranku.

Dengannya, dunia kesedihan hanya khayalan. Kesedihan datang ketika aku tak bisa menyentuhnya, membelai wajahnya, dan merengkuhnya dalam kehangatan. Dia adalah jiwa kesederhanaanku yang mengajarkan banyak hidup dan kerasnya tantangan di masa akan datang. Dia datang tidak sebagai guru, tuan, pemilik atas diriku. Dia adalah the other half of me. My soulmate.Dia mutiara yang ada dalam hatiku yang selalu akan ada di sana dan memberikan kemewahan cinta kepadaku.

Tears in My Heart

Well, pretty hard to say, this, but i think i hurted my lovely soulmate. I couldnt understand why there is something inside my self drive me through argued something. I tried to halted anything before all going worse. I couldnt handled my self. I was so mean.

I will trying to do the best as wish as i could. That i caught my self into so selfish. In other side, so difficult to tell him i am not sweet girl so he barried talking anything with me. But i dont want seems i like all those things cuz i want to be perfect in his eyes. God, its not my own way.

Sometimes, i think, maybe i am not his dream girl. But keep thinking about this make me hurt and feelin' to die. Just imagined him be with other girl shaking my feeling and choosing let it go. But, can i be so selfish if he will not happy with me? cannot share anything with me? how bad i am.

I could feel he was very dissapointed cuz i didnt understand about his worried. I argued with my stubborn and not let him feel in peace. I know that already, i am just give bad influenced to him. As i said before to him, i just brought bad things for people, But he didnt understand what i said.

I know, i am just burden to him. A while he thinking about us, i am just thinking about my self. I was crying to remembered that, and sometimes thought crossed on my mind, why he met me, someone, with bad influenced?

I have nothing to say more. I am so guilty to make him feel sad but i am too obstinated to let him know i had bad feeling because i hurted him. Oh, God, i wish i never met him. I loved him so much and always forever but maybe he deserved good girl and someone who really understood him in good way. Not like me.

PS: People says, Nothing Last Forever But My Heart and My Love Always Forever for Him.

If I am His Woman

I have seen many things in this life. But i never seen miserable so bad in his eyes. I felt he need to touched me and said something hidden in his heart. But trust is most things he hates now. For 1st, i wondering why he thinks no real relationship and until now i am still trying why he afraid of it. I think every body wont to be hurts.

I am new one in real relationship. I never felt great relationship in many years. When he offered me that, i am not trusted him for first. Why he choose me and what on earth God choose me to met him in random? Now, he had question to me about that.

I know he never believe in marriage things and me neither. Maybe oneday we could make something about that. All i know, i love him and as i know, he love me too. I picture these things in my mind, when he hold me so tight and spent time together in real time. I wont asked more for him. If he loved me just like friend, i will be glad. If he loved me like sister, i am happy have brother like him, and if he loved me like men to women, i am happiest women in the world. I wont pursued him for do anything where he felt untrusthy. I want him feeling my love and share with him. Sometimes, i afraid to lose him. But life is about losing too and we both know, no immortality for our existency.

Maybe i am so silly in this way. But, i know, it is very rare happened on me and i will be enjoyed my life with him no matter what it takes. If God have other plans for him and me, i will be glad because he could feel real love after being abused in many years. I want to show to him, not every women will hurt him and i will stand beside him when storm come and trying to destroy all we have now. For Allah, thank you for precious moment You gave to me. Amin

For KD: I love you always......

Only Hope

This song makes me feel closer with someone i love......

There's a song that's inside of my soul.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold.
But you sing to me over and over and over again.

So, I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now, you're my only hope.

I give you my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

performed by Mandy Moore (from a Walk to Remember movie)

You're one in a million, Kevin

You're one in a million, Oh now
You're one in a million, Oh

Sometimes I can't hate you every day
Sometimes you can fall for everyone you see
Only one can really make me stay
A sign from the sky
Said to me

You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us

I've been looking for that special one
And I've been searching for someone to give my love
And when I thought that all the hope was gone
You smile, there you were and I was gone

I always will remember how I felt that day
A feeling indescribable to me, Yeah
I always knew there was an answer for my prayer
And you, you're the one for me

You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us
I was cool and everything was possible
You tried to catch me but it wasn't possible
Nobody could hurt me it was my game
Until I met you baby and went insane
And when you didn't want me, I wanted you
Because the finer thing bout it was I like to go
I like it when its difficult I like it when it's hard
You know it's worth it if ya find your heart

You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover one of the stars above us
You're one in a million, Oh
You're one in a million

Preeminent of Existency

I would never consider being evil for anyone. Then, if they said so, might be i had reason why should i do that. Let's we see in different point of views. I thought we made some decision for all those. When it finished so before long, it is not my blooper or bad intention from me.

All i know,i just always trying being nice for anyone. God knows my heart would never hurt anybody. I was taught to be friendfull for other in case i hope they would give me payback in good things too. I knew few people thought they did it to me with pleasant and hope i would be delighted. I am appreciated it even maybe it would make my life become ruined.

Then when friendship is over now in means God choose the best way to showed how people sometimes never tried believe hurt it doesnt means sad and happines it doesnt mean cheers, always. Then, i choose the best way of my life for someone i loved with light's of God at there. Might be it risky, some friends says, but there is no chance without risk and also in Chinese proverb, risk it means chance.

Wishing the best for everyone that thought i might be hurted them. There was something we never know. Look at that picture and then we will find preeminent of existency human being on it.

Mistikus Cinta

Ketika pertama kali
Jiwamu ingin selalu dekat
Dengan jiwaku yang belum bisa
Menterjemahkan segala
Arti pertemuan ini
Arti cumbu rayu ini
Yang mungkin bisa memusnahkan
Kenyataan hidup yang terjadi

Ketika jiwamu
Merasuk ke dalam
Aliran darahku dan meracuniku
Ketika jiwamu, memeluk hatiku
Dan biarkan jiwaku cumbui jiwamu

Ketika kamu, aku
Melebur menjadi satu
Dan hanya waktu yang mungkin bisa
Memahami apa yang terjadi

Apa yang sedang kurasa
Apa yang sedang kau rasa
Adalah cinta yang tak bisa
Dijelaskan dengan kata-kata

Untrusted Feeling

There are many ways to know how about people intention to me. I can be good friends, liar, teacher, sister, or maybe devil’s. In several occasion, I said, maybe I use worst ways to get know about it, but this is me. It builded by my journalist insting and maybe not much people would agreed with it and I unstated with them without complained,.

Even they called me devil’s or some worst words I am still okay because u knew them well they always misunderstood me. But, if I had intention to someone with depth, I think he knew it where is my heart go. Do not make complained to me because he knew me already. It called true lover. But, maybe I did mistake about how deep he knew me. So, it is what it is. I still damn right, how people always misunderstood my way. So it is way to showed me nobody knows me. Good thing.

If untrusted come between, how come feeling could bond stronger because untrusted become poison and destroyed true feeling.So, let time bring us to showed who will be right on this feeling. I still believe, Allah still love me on my own way.

Song of the Suling

Aug10 2007 for: Widiya Buana. By: Khalil Ali


The song of the suling,

Cries…

Crooning the story of my longing,

To be again, with you…


Yet, instead of the sadness,

With it’s desire to kill me;

I place you in my Hati,

As an Idol!


I long for you with,

Happiness…

And I busy my life with good works;

Preparing for the day of our, re-Union.


As it is for you, so it is with God.

My longing for you and my Love,

are but a reflection of the yearning I hold,

To be again, with our Allah! Amin.

Stone on Someone

i had nice thing to say. this all about small stone i found when walked around for got some freshy air. Not much know about stone including me. I am just simple girl and went out for something new. I never thought i would find curious stone on my way. None of Us will be know what will be found on road. We just know there should be something new out there prepared for us.

Then i brought this stone to my home, touched it, wondering, why such stone like this i found near my foosteps. This stone very unique seems there are sparkling light out into it. I guise at, rowling my eyes, and make sure there was nothing special on it. But why my heart so close with it?

Stone sometimes refer to rock. It made by some particles, minerals, and maybe the texture of the constituent particles and by the processes that formed them. I love to say stone, because it sounds very strengthen and powerfull. Stone refer to standing on principle or might be solid heart.

I knew already then why God had intention i found stone because stone sometimes being shaped into people. I knew it that stone build on into someone i have knowledge about him and i cannot denied he is stone in many things. Like in his heart,thought,principle, and even in love.

Two of Us

Look at me more please and i will telling you there was so much things you should know. When flowers bloosom at May and spread the scent then mantled me with it i am really naturally woman in every single day u ever seen before. Needs comfy, related, and sometimes need to be pampered.

I dont need more belongings for. Seems not important to said but it wasnt word i said for executed. When i felt alone i could seeking you for secure me. Maybe, in that day, i could say not have own emotional with you. Like When moon covered by cloud. But, there was reason, why i shall hiding more for makes my feel unbreakable.

Today, asking me about some tough question maybe couldnt heal your sad about me and my own feeling. But, remember, times would recorded our wishing, send to sky, and go back to earth in different way. Well, i could be anywhere and belong's to you ever. Just two of Us. Wherever your soul are been formed into star, stone, land,flowers, and might be formed being my heart. No one knows....

Little While on My dreAm

Some called me i am a dreamer. Whatever i did they always said so. Might be i am forlorn and could been locked my self in the solitary room. There so many reasons why i was seemed like forlorn just as i do never curiously about how i am being on it. Okay, i love to be dreamer because dreamer could reach top of the world, digged depth of sea and even grasped universe on my hands. That's me.

With my dreams, i knew how fond someone with my own maybe some awkward attitude where is people do not understand it at all. But, this is differently story. I met someone on my way with stranged then looking into my eyes. He smiled at me and he didnt say anything. I felt, i ever seen him at somewhere but i doubted, was i met him on my real life or he comes into my dream before that time.

I was thinking harder to find who is he? Then times walked on and passed me through and he is gone in my view. I thought he would be come back and said something about him self, but he did'nt so i was trying find him on my own way.

Gradually, i begun knew him and he was blind man on my was dream. He was wise man, taught me how to look anyone not with my own eyes on but within heart. "Eyes can be lying by appearances but heart cannot be. Trust your heart and happines would be yours," he said me while holding my hands with gently. I didnt know him but he showed up infront of me when my heart trying to fight what's real i wanted in my life. He comes and go like smoke and he still on my wandered about who is he in existance of universe. "Better blind with our eyes than our hearts"

My_Déjà _Vu

I have something new about life. I have been there in so many times but very awkward why i felt this time. The space when i belong to but never been felt before. it just like you are realized you had nice eyes by now even though you had it for many years along.

I do believe what people called deja-vu and i felt this morning.When i sat in next window over me, i felt it was happening me in previews years. I caught small bird with my eyes then flied into sky and left some smooth step in corner my heart. I have learnt why brain did it and some science called Deja-vu.

The term déjà vu describes the experience of feeling that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously. The term was coined by a French psychic researcher, Émile Boirac (1851–1917) in his book L'Avenir des sciences psychiques (The Future of Psychic Sciences), which expanded upon an essay he wrote while an undergraduate French concentrator at the University of Chicago.

It doesnt means because i have French friends and there were something called French Connection. I have little bit indulgent my self for passioned and found not most of it's was okay for me. Well, for good reason i still sync

Je T'aime... Moi Non Plus

- Je t’aime je t’aime
Oh oui je t’aime
- Moi non plus
- Oh mon amour
- Comme la vague irrésolue
Je vais, je vais et je viens
Entre tes reins
Je vais et je viens
Entre tes reins
Et je me retiens

- Je t’aime je t’aime
Oh oui je t’aime
- Moi non plus
- Oh mon amour
Tu es la vague, moi l’île nue
Tu vas, tu vas et tu viens
Entre mes reins
Tu vas et tu viens
Entre mes reins
Et je te rejoins

- Je t’aime je t’aime
Oh oui je t’aime
- Moi non plus
- Oh mon amour
- L’amour physique est sans issue
Je vais je vais et je viens
Entre tes reins
Je vais et je viens
Je me retiens
- Non ! maintenant viens...

Word Dont Come to Easy

Words by F.R. David

Words, dont come easy to me
How can i find a way
To make you see I love you?
Words dont come easy.
Words, dont come easy to me
This is the only way
For me to say I love you
Words dont come easy

Well i'm just a music man
Melody's so far my best friend
But my words are coming out wrong
and I - I reveal my heart to you and
hope that you believe it's true 'cause

Words, don't come easy to me
How can i find a way,To make you see i love you? words don't come easy.
This is just a simple song,That i've made for you on my own.
There's no hidden meaning you know,when I - when i say I love you honey,
Please believe i really do 'cause

Words, dont come easy to me
how can i find a way
to make you see I love you?
words dont come easy It isn't easy
Words dont come easy

Words, dont come easy to me
how can i find a way
to make you see I love you?
words dont come easy

Words, dont come easy to me
This is the only way
For me to say I love you
Words dont come easy

Touch My Heart

Touch My heart

Touch my heart and I'll touch yours
With a gentle word or two,
For kindness bears the sweetest fruit
That makes our dreams come true.
Touch my life with tenderness
And fill my cup with love.
Share my dreams as I share yours
Beyond the stars above.
Take my hand as I grow old
And lead me when I'm blind.
Show me that you really care…
Good Friends are hard to find.
Touch my heart and I'll touch yours
A little more each day
And then we both find happiness
Somewhere along the way.

PS: FOr J, thank you for sweestest things you done for me

Lady in The Black

LADY IN BLACK. A RARE QUALITY THIS LASS HAS, POISE, SOPHISTICATION AND ALL THAT JAZZ.
A QUEEN INDEED THIS FRIEND OF MINE, SHE SURE IS LOOKING MIGHTY FINE.
LADY IN BLACK--SIMPLY DIVINE.

JUST LOOK AT THE ANGEL IN THE FUSCHIA DRESS.
ISN'T SHE A SIGHT TO SEE;THIS DEAR WIDI KEEPS ME COMPANY.
WHEN AT NIGHT SHE WORKS SO HARD,
SHE BECOMES MY DARLING BARD.
WRITING IS HER FAVORITE JOY,
GEE AM I A LUCKY BOY.
KISSES, JOHNNY